Responsibility of Children Towards their Parents
By Siddiq Buckley [SALAM Magazine]
Edited by; Mohamad Shuhmy Shuib
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him): The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Everyone of you is a guardian and everyone of you is responsible (for his wards). A ruler is a guardian and is responsible( for his subjects); a man is a guardian of his family and responsible (for them); a wife is a guardian of her husband's house and she is responsible (for it), a slave is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible (for that). Beware! All of you are guardians and are responsible (for your wards).”[1]
I always like to start with definitions, so you know what I’m talking about and where I’m coming from.
1. Responsibility is, “the state, fact, or position of being accountable to somebody or for something.”[2]
* Allah has commanded us to be responsible to take care of our parents (when they become old) just as they took care of us (when we were young).
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small."[3]
2. A Child is, “a young human being between birth and puberty.”[4]
* Note that this is not really restricted by age. In Islam, we are always our parent’s children. The only difference is that the responsibilities swap when the child become an adult.
* Interestingly, we had no choice in the selection of our parents, nor the time and place of our birth. Everyone must accept these circumstances.
Duties to Parents
* Showing love and gratitude to them, Allah, the Most High, says, “… And that you be dutiful to your parents…"[5]
* Speaking to them with kindness and respect, Allah, the Most High, says, “…If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour..."[6]
* Striving to make them happy, for the sake of Allah, Narrated Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaahimah (may Allah be pleased with him): I went to the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for jihad with you, seeking thereby the Face of Allaah and the Hereafter.’
He said, ‘Woe to you! Is your mother still alive?’
I said, ‘Yes.’
He said, ‘Go back and honour her.’
Then I approached him from the other side and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for jihad with you, seeking thereby the Face of Allaah and the Hereafter.’
He said, ‘Woe to you! Is your mother still alive?’
I said, ‘Yes.’
He said, ‘Go back and honour her.’
Then I approached him from in front and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for jihad with you, seeking thereby the Face of Allaah and the Hereafter.’
He said, ‘Woe to you! Is your mother still alive?’
I said, ‘Yes.’
He said, ‘Woe to you! Stay by her feet, for Paradise is there.’”[7]
Narrated ibn `Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Allâh is pleased when the parents are pleased and Allâh is angry when the parents are angry.”[8]
* Offering good advice and guidance when needed, Narrated Aboo Moosa (may Allah be pleased with him): The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "A believer to another believer is like a building whose different parts enforce each other." The Prophet (peace be upon him) then clasped his hands with the fingers interlaced. (At that time) the Prophet was sitting and a man came and begged or asked for something. The Prophet (peace be upon him) faced us and said, "Help and recommend him and you will receive the reward for it, and Allah will bring about what He will through His Prophet's tongue."[9]
* Avoiding angry expression or reaction to what they may say or do, Narrated Aboo Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him): A man said to the Prophet (peace be upon him) , “Advise me!” “The Prophet said, “Do not become angry and furious.” The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said in each case, “Do not become angry and furious.”[10]
Narrated Aboo Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him): Allah's Apostle (peace be upon him) said, “The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.”[11]
* Overlooking their faults and mistakes, This is because it is human to make errors. Anas ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said:- “All of Adam’s descendents constantly err, but the best of those who constantly err are those who constantly repent.”[12]
However, this does not mean we should not correct their errors as it is our responsibility to enjoin the good and forbid the evil.
Allah, the Most High, says, “Let there arise out of you a group of people inviting to all that is good (Islâm), enjoining Al-Ma'rûf (i.e. Islâmic Monotheism and all that Islâm orders one to do) and forbidding Al-Munkar (polytheism and disbelief and all that Islâm has forbidden). And it is they who are the successful.”[13]
Aboo Sa‘eed al-Khudree (may Allah be pleased with him) quoted the Prophet (peace be upon him) as saying, “Surely Allaah will address His creatures on the Day of Judgment, saying: ‘O my slave, you saw evil and did not disapprove of it?’ And when Allaah shows the creature His proof, he will say: O Lord, I had hope in Your [forgiveness] and I feared people.”[14]
* Refraining from denouncing them by denouncing parents of others, Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Amr (may Allah be pleased with him): Allah's Apostle (peace be upon him) said. “It is one of the greatest sins that a man should curse his parents.” It was asked (by the people), “O Allah's Apostle! How does a man curse his parents?” The Prophet said, "'The man abuses the father of another man and the latter abuses the father of the former and abuses his mother.”[15]
* Obeying and honouring them, Allah, the Most High, says, “… And that you be dutiful to your parents…"[16]
* Caring for them in their old age, Allah, the Most High, says, “…If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour..."[17]
Aboo Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) quoted the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) as saying, “may he be disgraced and humiliated, may he be disgraced and humiliated, may he be disgraced and humiliated." They said, "who O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “the one whose parents attain old age, or one of them, and he enters Hellfire (by not serving them).”[18]
* Praying for them after their death, Aboo Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) quoted the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) as saying, “When a man dies, his acts come to an end, except in three cases: an ongoing charity, knowledge from which people continue to benefit, and a righteous child who prays for him.”[19]
* Fulfilling any outstanding obligations of theirs, `Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) related that a man asked the Prophet (peace be upon him): “My mother died suddenly, and I think that if she had spoken [before dying], she would have given something in charity. If I give charity on her behalf, will she get the reward?” He replied, "Yes."”[20
`Aa'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) quoted Allaah's Messenger (peace be upon him) as saying, "Whoever died owing fasts, his guardian should fast on his behalf.”[21]
The Mother
The significance of the mother and her crucial role in childrearing is attested to in the verse: “And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship and she brings him forth with hardship, and the bearing of him, and the weaning of him is thirty (30) months, till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: "My Lord! Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favour which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please You, and make my off-spring good. Truly, I have turned to You in repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims (submitting to Your Will).”[22]
Instruction in this verse is given to pray for the bestowment of three things:
1. For the grace to thank Allah for His bounties upon him and his parents
2. For the grace to do good works to His liking
3. To endow his children with firm faith and make them dutiful.
Allah continues: “They are those from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds and overlook their evil deeds. (They shall be) among the dwellers of Paradise , a promise of truth, which they have been promised.”[23]
A similar prayer for parents is recited by Prophet Solomon: “So he [Sulaimân (Solomon)] smiled, amused at her speech and said: "My Lord! Inspire and bestow upon me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favours which You have bestowed on me and on my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds that will please You, and admit me by Your Mercy among Your righteous slaves.”[24]
Would you like to ‘prosper and live long’? Narrated Anas bin Malik (may Allah be pleased with him): Allah 's Apostle (peace be upon him) said, "Whoever loves that he be granted more wealth and that his lease of life be prolonged then he should keep good relations with his Kith and kin.”[25]
And It is Only Allah Who grants success. May Allah Exalt the mention of His slave and Messenger Muhammad, and render him, his household and companion safe from Evil.
References:
- Bemat, Mufti Ahmed E. (1985) Parents’ Rights Over Children. (Self published) Gujarat , India .
- Rahbar, Faramarz. (1994) Raising Children according to the Quran and sunnah. Abul Qasim Pub. House, Jeddah.
- Hamid, AbdulWahid. (1989) Islam the Natural Way . MELS. London .
- Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood. (1994) For Heaven’s Sake. Ta-Ha Publishers Ltd, London .
- Philips, Abu Ameenah Bilal, ‘Salvation through Repentance’
- --- , ---, ‘General Issues of Faith’
- ---, ---, ‘Qadar’, Module 4, www.Islamiconlineun iversity. com/moodle
- www.islam-qa. com
- Saheeh Bukhaari and Saheeh Muslim ahadeeth taken from, http://www.usc. edu/dept/ MSA/fundamentals /hadithsunnah/
- The Noble Qur’aan, translated by Dr. Muhsin Khan, www.thenoblequran. com
- Bukhaari, Imaam, ‘Regarding Good Conduct towards ones Parents’, http://www.islaam. net/main/ display.php? id=178&category=20
[1] (Agreed Upon); Saheeh Bukhaari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 116; Saheeh Muslim, Book 20, Number 4496
[2] http://encarta. msn.com/dictiona ry_1861701073/ responsibility. html
[3] The Noble Qur’aan, Soorah Al-Isra 17:23 24
[4] http://encarta. msn.com/dictiona ry_1861596701/ child.html
[5] The Noble Qur’aan, Soorah Al-Isra 17:23 24
[6] The Noble Qur’aan, Soorah Al-Isra 17:23 24
[7] Sunan Ibn Maajah, Number 2781; Classed as Saheeh (authentic) by Sheikh al-Albaanee in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah; as quoted in http://www.islam- qa.com/index. php?ref=34176&ln=eng
[8] 'Saheeh al-Adab al-Mufrad' of Imaam Bukhaaree (check by Sheikh al-Albaanee) , (2/2); Classed Hasan as mawqoof, saheeh as marfoo', as-Saheehah 515; as quoted in ‘Regarding Good Conduct towards ones Parents’
[9] Saheeh Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 55; Last part is also in Saheeh Muslim, Book 032, Number 6360
[10] Saheeh Bukhaari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 137
[11] Saheeh Bukhaari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 135
[12] Sunan Ibn Maajah; authenticated by Sheikh al-Albaanee in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah, Vol. 2, No. 3428; as quoted in ‘Salvation through Repentance’
[13] The Noble Qur’aan, Soorah Aali Imran 3:104
[14] Ahmad and Sunan Ibn Maajah, vol. 5, pp. 329-330, no. 4017; authenticated by Sheikh al-Albaanee in Silsilah al-Ahaadeeth as-Saheehah, vol. 2, p. 236-7, no. 929; as quoted in, ‘General Issues of Faith’, p. 4
[15] Saheeh Bukhaari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 4
[16] The Noble Qur’aan, Soorah Al-Isra 17:23 24
[17] The Noble Qur’aan, Soorah Al-Isra 17:23 24
[18] 'Saheeh al-Adab al-Mufrad' of Imaam Bukhaaree (check by Sheikh al-Albaanee) , (12/15); Classed Saheeh by Sheikh al-Albaanee in at-Ta'leeq ar-Ragheeb (3/215); as quoted in ‘Regarding Good Conduct towards ones Parents’
[19] Saheeh Muslim, Book 13, Number 4005
[20] (Agreed Upon); Saheeh Bukhaari, Volume 2, Book 23, Number 470; Saheeh Muslim, Book 13, Number 4002
[21] (Agreed Upon); Saheeh Bukhaari, Volume 3, Book 31, Number 173; Saheeh Muslim, Book 6, Number 2553
[22] The Noble Qur’aan, Soorah Al-Ahqaf 46:15
[23] The Noble Qur’aan, Soorah Al-Ahqaf 46:16
[24] The Noble Qur’aan, Soorah An-Naml 27:19
[25] [(Agreed Upon); Saheeh Bukhaari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 15; Saheeh Muslim, Book 032, Number 6203] Ibn Taymiyyah explained that “there are two types of provisions and life terms: The unchanged record written in Ummul-Kitaab and another, subject to increase and decrease, made known to the angels by Allaah… In the angels’ books, the life terms increase or decrease, and similarly in the case of provisions as a result of particular deeds. Thus, Allaah instructs the angel to write the provisions and life term of one of His creatures such that if the person joins family ties, Allaah commands the angel to increase his sustenance and life term by specified increments. The angel does not know the actual outcome of the extension in the life term, or the total amount of increase in provisions. Only Allaah knows the outcome.” (Al-Fataawaa, vol. 8, p. 517 and 540)
Ibn Hajar al-‘Asqalaanee explained the changes in the record as follows: “For example, the angel is instructed that the age of a person is one hundred years if he joins family ties and sixty years if he severs them. In the foreknowledge of Allaah, it is already known whether he will join or sever the family ties. Whatever is in Allaah’s knowledge is not subject to extension or delay. It is what is in the angels’ knowledge which may increase or decrease. This is what is referred to in Allaah’s statement: “Allaah erases what He wills and confirms what He wills. For the Mother of the Book is with Him.” (Soorah ar-Ra‘d, 13: 39) The erasure and confirmation is relative to the knowledge of the angels. What is recorded in Ummul-Kitaab is relative to Allaah’s eternal knowledge which is unchangeable.” (Fat’hul-Baaree, vol. 10, p. 430) [Fate in Islam, pp. 50-52 and Divine Will and Predestination, pp. 85-6; as quoted in ‘Qadar’, Module 4, p. 7]
Salaam Walekum
Adil Khan
LoveIslam_LiveIslam
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